To All the Men I Loved Before

Poorly original title
But so crystal and to the point
When you really want to say how much you loved
And were loved
So let me move on with the above title;
To be turned emotionally, physically, intellectually
By a person you love
Shakes you up and makes you experience this incredible shiverring sensation,
This incredible presence of butterflies in your stomach-
In Polish these butterflies are called Paziowie Krolowej.
I miss those loves, these dopamine sensations from a human kind
When nothing is difficult, complicated, misunderstood or sedated

The men I loved before were like flowers and with the flowers stay memories.
I look at the flowers, I bring them home, and I recall every year, month, weak, minute with the man I loved before.

JJ was oriental with thick blond hair and eyebrows duplicating each other,
He had strong girls on his mind, sexually liberated, untamed,
He found one: a beautiful, artistically talented;
They dated for 3 years and I suffered in each corner of potential glimpse of hugs, kissess, prolonged walks home without worry about homework
JJ was a cactus, poorly ingrown into the Polish soil and climate. And I had no chance to say anything. I had to”sufer” in silence. I graduated from the High School and went on into the Medical School.

I was totally inflatuated by my Professor of Anatomy. Under no circumstances it was materializing, I did not want to intervene with his life, I just wanted to express how much I respected his presence in my life.
So here is a poem/song performed at the skid wrapping up our first year in the medical school:
Zdus namietnosc swa szalona, zdus powazny, nagly flirt
Nie che zostac twoja zona, chce bys tylko ze mna byl
Twoje oczy sa wzruszone, a mnie piers faluje, drzy,
Twoje dlonie wydelikacone, opatula moje sny,
Twoje serce jest w rozterce, a mnie lezka w oku lsni
Latwo zyc jest na pinesce, gorzej potem o tym snic
Kiedy chwytam sie tak chwili czuje weny pelny smak
I radosny lot motyla gluszy chwili krotki smak
Niech nastroje sa w poniewierce,
Niechaj zgina wreszczie sny,
A Ty chwytaj moje serce i swym rytmem nagraj rytm,
Graj w rytm walca lub foxtrota
Mnie potrzebny tylko rytm,
Ja juz jestem tylko Twoja, ja juz nie mam wiecej sil….

And then I met RH, tall, 10 years older, very well groomed, with polished mustache, and his own apartment, he loved to vacuum after every little mess

He was my first sex partner and his sex was boring, and I did not know much about it but somehow it was not working;
He was dissapearing a lot, and one day he dissapeared for good
If I had a chance to compare RH to a flower, it must have been a philodendron
Because philodendrons are very predictable if they have enough water and stay out of extreme temperature power.

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